Thursday, November 15, 2012

Why I Care So Much for My Grandparents - A Proper Sendoff

Some of you may wonder why I talk about my grandparents so much.  There are other people in the world right?

My grandpa died two years ago and although he was really grumpy to most people, I loved him a lot.  Just like I absolutely LOVE my grandma.  When I was young, my grandma used to hold me in our rocking chair whenever I cried. She'd wipe my tears and tell me she wouldn't love me anymore if I kept crying. But she continued to hold me and held me tight.  My grandpa, he'd pick me up after school in the elementary years. Then, in high school, he'd meet me as I walked home from school and would hand me something heavy he bought from the grocery store (usually milk).  And we would walk home together. It wasn't everyday, but my grandpa and I had a good amount of bonding time in my 20+ years with him.  We were even housemates for most of my life.  My grandparents and I. We were close. Period.


I love them a lot, but there were many times I hated them too. Mostly my grandpa because he was angry at times.  Sometimes, it was just too close.

I didn't like how they would hover over me.  Anytime I turned onto my street whether walking or driving, my grandparents were like hawks. Forget the old eyes. They would spot me immediately. Before I even had time to gain composure in the car or take in a few "Be calm, Bel" breaths, the front door was open. They love(d) me so much.  But they were always waiting and looking for me.  There was anger, guilt, sometimes hate. But the love always managed to be greater.

I don't remember when, but sometime during my first few years of working, I had an epiphany that made me care for my grandparents differently and much more.  Let me explain.

Before someone leaves their home to go somewhere else, it's customary to have a send off. If noone sends you off, I think you'd probably feel pretty unloved and alone.  If you want to know how to have a proper sendoff, meet my oldest sister and brother-in-law.  When friends leave the DC area for work, marriage, new things, etc, they often have dinner parties to celebrate the time their friend spent here.  They make their friends feel special.  And they help them move on to the next place. I mean, if you don't make friends in Kalamazoo (is that a place?) at least you know you still have friends back at home, right?  Venturing off seems less scary when you know you have people who love you.

I sometimes wondered why I had to "deal" and live with my grandparents for so long (birth until post college).  My life was different then others my age and while I loved them, my grandparents' presence sometimes felt so inconvenient and burdensome.  What I realized though was that my grandparents, just like yours, need a proper send off before they leave aka die. They need to know they are "oh so loved".  They really do. And most elderly get nothing.  In fact, many people are just waiting for them to leave.  NO WONDER we have so much depression in the elderly.  Your grandparents and your older parents. They really really need a send off.  And they really need it because their next place can be scary.  Even if they know where they're going. And especially if they don't.  Just like stress can cause pimples, spiritual and emotional fear at the end of life can cause physical not to mention horrible spiritual and emotional pain.

Consider yourself assigned to walk your grandparents or the elderly you know to the gate of heaven.  Just over the past few years, I began to look at my grandparents differently because I realized that God has given me a divine honor, a really noble purpose, to accompany and care for my grandparents as they approach heaven.  My purpose is to send them off well.  To love them so so so much.  To smile at them whenever they glance over.  To kiss them.  And hug them really tight.  To make them feel less like a burden even if serving them is inconvenient.  To intentionally call them to see how they're doing. To find out what's on their mind.  And just to make them feel extra extra special.  Now that's what I call a PROPER sendoff.

2 comments:

  1. Living with your grandparents has it's upsides and downsides. Considering the fact that they grew on a different era, it's expected that they would be stricter than the usual. Living with them is a two way relationship; they take care of you, and in return, you give them company and take care of them as well. They wouldn't really need much material things at their age. You have my admiration for writing this proper send off to them. You have been a very good granddaughter, Isabel. Thank you for sharing this!

    Taneka Carl @Heal at Home Care

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